Have a Defensive year!

In December of 1999 we all waited to see how the New Year would be celebrated. Many people waited in fear that all the computers would go down and perhaps mayhem would abound. My daughter was six months old and we were living in Dallas.I had planned a quiet home that night, for no other reason than being a new mother too tired to think about being out late. I remember hearing all the anticipation about what might happen and did wonder myself what could happen. At midnight, as January 1, 2000 came to pass nothing that had been predicted happened. In fact, I felt a little let down because nothing big had happened. The year came and went with nothing really eventful to report.
Fast forward and January 1, 2010 and I ask the question, "what if nothing changes?" Its been a tough economic year , the media reports to Americans that unemployment and foreclosures are at an all time high. What if this year isn't better? So many people have had a tough year and I know are glad the year is gone but how do you know what the year will be like if you wait for it to occur?
Are you planning a defensive year? The word defensive sounds strong and maybe even rough but the definition in football is to defend and protect your position. Are you ready to take this year on by defending and protecting your position? I hear people say "I can't wait to see what will happen this year" I say "don't wait to see, make it happen, and plan to see the year as you have hoped." I hope may of us can agree that each year we get better and experience gives us perspective to use as we grow. But are you looking for things to happen this year that you hoped to happen? Are you planning for your year in a way that anticipation is part of the defense? Are you going to spend this year tackling things you have avoided in the past? Would you be willing to take on life as if something or someone is trying to steal what you have worked so hard to hold on to? Jobs have been lost and many people you know may be experience a hardship we haven't seen in a long time. Are you planning your year in a way that even the bad stuff can be helpful?
I called a potential client who used her free call from the tft to ask questions about her fitness future. She had fallen during the last ice storm and broken her ankle. She had lost weight, been exercising regularly and was worried with her ankle she would lose ground and gain her weight back. She was a bit surprised when I told her this would be a great opportunity for her to work on food since exercise wouldn't be an option. Food is a major problem for people and weight loss is best achieved when food issues are under control. So I told her use this time to get really good at eating, not cheating and learning about calories then when she could go back to exercise it would be a bonus. Even though for many this break would be a bad thing, I think if you have the right defense when things happen to you they don't take away your position or your goals.
I hope this year you will live defensively. Plan for excellence and when you have something happened you haven't planned for be prepared to hold your ground.

Happy New Year Everyone.
Jolene

Red nail polish and sweat pants

I have had such a great time with my family this Christmas but I must tell you it has been eventful. Christmas night we were all sitting around talking about the great gifts we received and how much fun we had, laughing and enjoying the evening. All of a sudden we smell the strong aroma of nail polish and panic overwhelmed us. My cousin's daughter is two years old and they have white carpet in the downstairs where the smell was coming from,knowing that the combination of a two year old and nail polish can be disaster we both jump up and run down stairs. My cousin and I see in the bathroom the very dark red nail polish on the counter with no top and begin a search and rescue for the top of that red nail polish. We begin yelling for the Lacy, the baby and going from room to room trying to find the smell and hopefully avert trouble. When we find the source of the smell my ten year old daughter with a look similar to that of a deer in headlights is sitting in one spot paralized by what I know now was fear. Her shoulders began to shake and the tears got bigger and bigger but still she said nothing. I pushed away the blanket covering the floor and to my horror discovered a large stain the size of a frisbie of red nail polish on white carpet. My cousin and his wife followed us into the room and also saw this large stain they have been through this before and like EMT's at the scene of an emergency they began working on the stain with a pink goo that came out of a white tub. My cousin went to get his carpet cleaner and began to mix up a potent and toxic mix to put on the stain. Together we all worked on this terrible stain.I hoped it would come out and that our Christmas present to his wife and family wouldn't have to be white carpet. Miracle beyond all miracles the stain came out of the carpet. Although my daughter was trying to help I know the fear of what would happen next and whether the stain came out made it hard for her to think beyond the moment. I tried really hard not to lose my mind but the embarrassment and fear of damage made it difficult. We decided, once the stain was out to give everyone time to calm down, and figure out what to do next. Punishment is my least favorite issue in parenting and in life for that matter.

I am glad the lesson my daughter will learn wasn't expensive. No lives lost, no real damage done and honestly a mistake anyone I know including myself might make. But I did feel that shame and fear make us do some interesting things in our lives. My daughter covered up something we were all bound to find and as I reflected on the incident I think -I hide things I think no one will know about and wonder what do you hide?

Most women lie about their weight. It's a fact, well known fact and when I started the TFT program I found that some people didn't want to take the pictures you need to take when starting the program-the most difficult one being the one when you are standing on the scale. The picture is defining you know where you are and you have two choices(maybe more but these are my favorites) hide it or deal with it. I couldn't help but think of the things that went through my daughter's head before the polish was discovered- " I can hide it, no one will know." "maybe if I blame it on some one else I will get away with it." or "what do I do now? I am in big trouble?" when it comes to our weight I think we may have all these emotions. After this week of eating off plan all I could think about is wearing sweat pants all the time. If I didn't have to get into my jeans I didn't have to face the music. I did get on the scale and I realized all that muscle building afforded me a little more wiggle room but I am back on task. And yes, I am wearing my jeans.

Bad news doesn't get better with time. Facing the music or the truth is the first step to making progress and changing your life. If you think you are doing great and don't need to lose weight you may not be there yet. Be honest with yourself and with the ones you love and trust. If you hide things it gets harder. Use this new year to be open and honest, starting on the right foot and learning more about yourself through honesty.

How to survive Christmas

This time of year can be so stressful. I know, I came home to see family I haven't seen in five years and it has been crazy. I love my family but much of the past seems to jump up like a sleeping dragon and I feel like I am ten again. I have been forced to balance my feelings of Christmas past with the new innovative feelings I have about life and times of the present and I wanted to share my observations with you.
1. Don't take anything too seriously- I saw this Santa and I couldn't help but take a picture. I know it's in poor taste and shame on the people who did this *wink* but who can't laugh for just a minute at this one? I loved it. It reminded me in the big picture things are very good and life is full of gifts. No, you can't pick your family and sometimes even your friends and loved ones picked you first but they are yours-try to take care of them, do no harm and be reminded that it can always be worse.

2. Make it fun, even when its not- I have to be honest this is hard time for food. I can justify just about anything. I try to eat right but sometimes even the best of us slip. I try to cook for the family I am staying with and pick as often as I can where we eat, so I can eat well. I find if I do the best I can and most of what I should I feel better and less stressed. I made this Christmas tree turkey meatloaf added a tomato and cucumber salad for the Christmas color and some vinaigrette and what fun our food had become!! I am also doing what I can like stretching and moving even though I am not at the gym-taking the family dog for a walk,kids to play and trying to recruit others for yoga (no luck yet)
3. Don't do traditional for traditional sake- I decided this year given the economy and the costs to get to Seattle that my immediate family(my father and mother,sister and her family, and my family) would get a hotel room Christmas eve with a pool and other fun amenities and spend time together as a family instead of giving gifts. We would take care of our own family and also give small gifts to the kids but other than that no gifts. Tonight (or whenever you read this) my family will have our first Christmas eve slumber party. Swimming and playing, movies and snuggling we will try to change the tradition and make new memories. Some of our extended family aren't sure why we would for go gifts and do such a thing (it doesn't feel traditional) ! I know it doesn't but what I know is the best gift we can give is the gift of ourselves.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!

Christmas Gift to yourself

I always get the question " what should I do during the holiday's to lose weight?" My answer is always the same"Go to sleep and wake up New Years day". It is really hard to lose weight during the holidays and the three common reasons are- 1)stress-trying to do too much over the holidays, taking no time to worry about yourself,eating on the run and partying more than usual. 2) eating foods you don't normally eat and finding you like them and eating more. 3) not having a regular routine and not getting to the gym like usual. So what should you work on during the holiday's to succeed at not gaining? I know it's hard, this year I came to Seattle to see family I haven't seen in five years and I am staying with my cousins. They have a busy active family and there are ten of us in one home. I find the challenge refreshing and I have had a great time working through this process. My cousin Lisa says she going to work on losing weight this year so my first defense is to be a great example. Being a good example helps me stay focused. I haven' t been excellent but for the most part I stick to the food I usually eat (oatmeal every morning) and try to help around the house to stay busy instead of eat. I also found she has a treadmill in her garage set up in front of a t.v. and I can do intervals workouts which take 30mins and I am not being rude going out there for a quick 30min workout. So first line of defense is make it look as normal as possible I am sure I am not going to do everything right -my mother brought homemade buckeye (peanut butter balls dipped in chocolate) - but thank God my mom is staying with my aunt!!! I know I won't be able to work out like normal so I decided to try the local hot yoga studio I get 10 classes for $10 and a month to use it. I am excited about doing something different and I have a chance to de-stress with yoga. (given the holiday's this may be the best call yet) Many businesses are looking for business given the new year and they are offering deals- take advantage of them. Check out a boxing studio or go belly dancing or try salsa. Try something you haven't done before - you can sometime rally family for a new workout and get in your time too. Another suggestion is raiding the shelves of family. Everyone has exercise videos find out what they have that you don't have and try it. Who knows could be fun? Second line of defense if sounds like exercise and feels like exercise - do it The Asheville area just got hammered with snow so many of my friends were shoveling snow for two days yes, that counts. Being with family can be stressful spend some time journaling (trainerforce clients have a place to journal) or write a letter to yourself for how next year will be for you, goals, dreams. Take hot baths (if you have room to or time) get lots of sleep. Many people discount these things are not "strenuous" enough try to get some peace and quiet can often be an act of God. Relaxing has an amazing influence on hunger hormones. Think about it stress calls you to eat and eat bad- relaxing doesn't. Spend time making lists of goals, things you want to do. Dream- make a dream board. Sing carols with family, take care of your neighbor and give back. It's time to enjoy life a little and lighten up on the negative talk and behavior. Third line of defense be a gift to yourself and your family be feeling good. I plan to hit the hot yoga studio I can't wait to tell you how it goes.

Have a happy holiday.

Indespensible

I am in Tacoma, Washington for the holiday's not to far from Seattle. It's early and I am writing to you with the hopes of encouraging you this season.

My family and I share a home in South Carolina,with my in laws. We spend a lot of time together there holiday time and summers. We all pitch in to keep things in order but have this crazy garbage drawer- its a drawer where we put the trash-but it's big and awkward and has been known to fall off the tracks and on your foot impaling small toes and making you scream. In an effort to keep that from happening too often the former owners and now my father in law, have engineered a small tie around a screw on the main part of the drawer to keep it from extending far enough to fall out and make a grown person cry when it hits your foot. The funny thing about this tie is it's so small and tied so funny no one can get it off but my father in law. I try (because that is how I am) and I say the same things over and over again.."why would anyone put this crazy tie... blah blah blah"

Oftentimes I go back to the same observation- If my father in law weren't there to remove the tie then how would we do it? We have figured out how to pull the bag out but if it's full we will sometimes tear the bag and make a big mess.

Do you have things in your life that you have made impossible for anyone else to do?
Do you find you are the only one who knows how to do that in turn making peace and quiet and days off a thing of the past?

I can remember in the craziest time of my training for the competition, leaving the house at 5:30am to train. I would get home at 7am for which my kids we off to school already dressed and fed, homework in hand. My husband isn't one of those guys who said "sure honey leave the kids to me" No, at first it was painful. But after a while he got the hang of it and really he's good at it. If I had given in or not let him be in charge I may not have been able to get away and train. I know the conversations that run through our heads about who deserves what but honestly there has to be give and take.

If you have some thing in your life that you can let someone else do.. try it and free up some time for yourself. No, the trash can thing doesn't hold up my father in law and yes, he still enjoys his life, but some of us have obstacles very similar that add up.

Take off the tie and let the drawer fall, some one else can change the method better yet worry about something really important and don't sweat the small stuff.

Most people feel like they can't lose weight because they don't have time. Finding ways to have others help frees you up and makes it possible for you to have more time. Think about.. what's keeping you away from the gym?

Literary Forgiveness Literally

I know I am not perfect. I hope that through this blog I show myself as imperfect as I hope we all find ourselves at some point, if not daily. I don't relish being imperfect but I do appreciate the fact that I have people who want to help me and I want to ask for some clemancey from you. I am not a writer, I am a trainer, I a trainer with attention deficit disorder and I also have a perfection problem which is where I get into trouble. Sometimes I want to do something but because I want it to be perfect I wait and craft something over and over again. Then my ADD kicks in and I move on. I even sometimes forget where I was or what I have done. As I try to become the leading trainer in Asheville and brand "on demand training" with the telephone fitness trainer I wanted to keep in contact with you and let you know what is on my mind. No surprise to many of you I have a lot to stay and I want you to read it.
I make mistakes- I forget punctuation and I even run on sentences(on and on and on) . However, you must know I do this with the most sincere of efforts- I try to stay focused but after one draft, two drafts and sometimes even the third I give up. It feels a little like getting in shape I worry what people with think. I figure I won't get it perfect why try? and some one will always tell me I am doing it wrong. What's the use? Why even try? So here is where I ask for literary forgiveness. I want to be there for you and maybe you can watch my writing improve like I watch you grow and change into who I know you are becoming? Will you still read it? Keep me posted on my errors but love me anyway? Isn't that how we get better at something? We just do it and worry about the details. I think this would be harder to deal with if I were an English teacher, maybe you would wonder but as a trainer who has something to say? Can I get a pass? Can I get a little forgiveness? Will you promise to use this as an opportunity to look at something you want to do in your life but won't because you worry about how perfect it will be or whether people will be critical? I love critisism it helps be the best and it's why my skin gets tougher and my falls don't hurt as much. I also don't mind being vulnerable and isn't that what this is all about? learning to share who we are so others can be their very best? Isn't great that someone will jump first? But sometimes you have to do it too! You can't always watch you have to try.. growing and gaining comes out of risking and reconciling. Knowing what you can't do and what you can do and giving yourself a chance to see which one is which through trial and error.

Vulnerability is scary. Why not try it? Give me your best blog about where you are and what you are doing. I want to post your thoughts next. Send it to me by email and I will post it on my blog...
Have a great week.

Cloudy with a chance of meatballs

I went with my kids on sat to see this movie. I heard from several friends it was worth seeing and with the rain coming down, I decided to go and see it.
It was very cute and for me (as with many things) I had a bit more meaning than I actually thought it might. Without giving away the whole movie a young boy who decided he wanted to be a great inventor finally creates a machine that makes food rain down from the clouds. The town loves the machine and as a result becomes very dependant on the food. When the machine begins to go awry and giant BLT’s pierce the Eiffel tower and fortune cookies rain down on the great wall of china, the towns people panic. As Mount Leftover’s levy begins to break the town is in trouble and the young inventor is facing a very huge dilemma of destroying the very invention which took him to local fame.
It’s hard to imagine what you can get out of this premise but I must say it is very telling of how our society values food. In the movie the mayor grows to a balloon size character having to get around on a scooter shouting “bigger is better”.
His very large body grows to an alarming size and his demeanor more and more greedy about the food and how much the tiny town needs to reach its max.

I know it’s a stretch but here it is? Are we sometimes worried there won’t be enough food? Is our emotional attachment a feeling of being left out when others eat things we can’t? Do we think it’s more important to have the immediate gratification then the joy of reaching our goals?

I know for me when I had to start really saying no to certain foods and drinks I felt cheated. I tried to make it about something else “I am in training and I can’t”
But sometimes it just didn’t work- and I had to change the way I think and honestly I had to get serious. I needed to figure out for me what would work and I had to be able to make it matter all the time and say no with out feeling left out. Now I know I have things I am trying to do so with A LOT of self talk I make it through most cupcakes crises and pizza meltdowns. I say things like “ If I eat that what kind of muscle would that make in my body?” “ If I continue to eat like that person, I will look like that person (and no offense) I am trying to look different and that requires a different type of food”. “ it only tastes good for a minute and then I am hungry again”

Have you figured out why you fail at eating right? Or do you beat yourself up for not doing the right thing?

Maybe this is a time where you have to make a decision to eat and exercise just because and now you have to.

It may be cloudy with a chance of meatballs in some places it’s sunny with a chance of cucumbers? How about where you live?
check out my website for a funny trailor that will help make it more clear how we view food:
http://www.thetelephonefitnesstrainer.com/go-lean-with-jolene.html

Fat Dietitians

o If I told you I was a trainer would you believe me? Now you would but two years ago I think you wouldn't be too sure. I am not sure why but until this year I could tell you how to live a healthy life/workout and eat right as well as why but I wasn't drinking the kool-aid personally and had a lot of work to do to be the person I think everyone thought I was. I really wasn’t sure why I was a trainer at the time and I have to ask is it similar to - hairdresser with bad hair, chef who cooks macaroni and cheese for dinner at home, crazy psychologists, CPA's and financial planners with mismanaged bank accounts, doctors who smoke and of course my favorite fat dietitians?
o What is that? Why is it that if you do something for a living it doesn't mean you buy into the idea? Do we go into an area of practice where we hope to pursue for enlightenment and maybe help a few people on the way? I loved working out which is why I went into training but I lacked the motivation to really buckle down and was being lazy. Then one day I decided I needed my beliefs to match my actions and visa versa. I realized that my own insecurity came from make lack of authenticity and I ran around telling everybody else what to do but when it came to myself I just made excuses. Potential is something you have inside you that you can't see until you take chances. I wanted to make sure that I was doing everything I could to be my very best and since then I have felt a confidence inside I haven't felt in a long time. Like waking a sleeping giant we all have something is us that is bigger than we know.
Are you taking chances? Are you listening to the advice you give and are you taking it? Do you need to look at the authenticity of your life and as Emeril says “kick it up a notch” Are we wresting with this issue and if so how are you going change that?

Three things I do to help me stay honest:
1) keep the goals alive – I have things I am working on so I am always moving forward. I have to keep myself in the game and I am making goals to do so.. If I am a trainer than my goals are trainer associated. I participate in triathlons, running races, planning more competitions to compete in, as well as weighing in and staying within a reason weight.
2) Get help- I hired a trainer when I wanted to go to the next level with my training. I also love to do classes with trainers and learn new stuff. Helps keep my desire to be the best alive and it helps me be a better trainer.
3) Admit when I am just not feeling it- I know some days I just don’t want to work out- I don’t want to eat right and more often than you think I feel inadequate- So when that’s happening I try to be honest about it. I say I try because sometimes I fake it for myself.
I know it’s hard to believe but I am not always doing the right thing and sometimes I knowingly indulge (yikes there it is right on this blog) but what can I say? Nothing but the truth!
I hope this helps and I hope no matter what you do this will help you look into being more about authenticity then perception be sure you are working on the inside and being who you say you are- there is power in that- and you can have it. Don’t just have a job – have a life with a satisfying career. If you are lost make some goals and find away to be who people think you are and be the person you hope people see in you.
And if you plan to lose weight then do that- if you know what it takes then do the work-if you want to be the best you can be … then do it and don’t stop until you get there.